


Tactical Kindness

by amethystviolist



Series: Celebrate HTTYD Challenge Week [3]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Hate to Love, Old People In Love, this is all fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:29:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amethystviolist/pseuds/amethystviolist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a deceptively quiet Berkian suburb, there's a war going on between elderly neighbors Mr. Haddock and Miss Hofferson. Prize potatoes are said to be protected from pests by planting dragon nip around, but to Miss Hofferson's dismay, that dragon nip has invited a whole other kind of 'pests'- Mr. Haddock's pet dragons. With two stubborn, cranky old-timers who have much at stake, it's unlikely either is going to yield any time soon... Until Toothless inspires Mr. Haddock with a new approach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tactical Kindness

**Author's Note:**

> Look at that... It isn't finished. *sigh*
> 
> I will probably finish this one after the challenge week is over. Comments are not as scary as you think!
> 
> [Potatoes and Dragon Nip (Celebrate HTTYD Day 3)]

The day dawned bright and crisp, with the tingle of spring in the still-chilly air. Birds twittered in the trees, and the suburbs of the little town of Berk were peacefully at rest... But not for much longer.

This was the first day of the reawakening of an age-old feud between the occupants of the two houses at the end of the street.

Miss Hofferson was already on watch in the rocking chair in her screened back porch, her ammunition of choice surrounding her on all sides. Her fingers hovered over the remote trigger for the surprise weapon, and she waited for the enemy to make the first move. She was ready for this. All winter she had done proper research, nurtured her baby seedlings, and even paid some nice young lads from down the street to install her newest line of defense. Victory was within Miss Hofferson’s grasp.

“No!” a familiar voice cried, and Miss Hofferson’s wrinkled face spread into a wickedly excited grin. “No! Bad dragons! No, come back, you  _ do not _ go into other people’s yards!”

The little devils shot into view, and Miss Hofferson adjusted her bifocals as she squinted at the colorful little blurs of destruction flocking to her newly planted garden. Behind them, leaning heavily on a cane almost wider around than he was, Mr. Haddock shuffled into view shaking a bag of dragon treats and shouting after his many pets.

Miss Hofferson turned back to her garden patch. The little beasts were almost there… Sniffing around the plants, raising their nasty little claws, opening their flame-spitting mouths, all to destroy her perfectly cultivated garden-

She gleefully slammed her finger on the green button.

Mr. Haddock yelped and the dragons screeched in shock as sprinklers shot up from the ground and began to pelt the invaders with cold water, and Miss Hofferson grinned with the satisfaction of a defense well played.

“Take that, you pests!” she yelled in a croaking voice. “And that goes for you too, Haddock, you old meddler! Control your pets before I call animal control!”

“If you just didn’t plant dragon nip, then they wouldn’t bother your silly potatoes!” Mr. Haddock called back, water dripping from his clothing now as his dragons scrambled back toward the right house. “They can’t help wanting the fresh dragon nip! I’m sure there’s something else you could use to-”

“The internet says that dragon nip keeps away ninety-five percent of all potato pests! And without all that chemical nonsense poisoning my hibiscus!” Miss Hofferson shouted. “I need those potatoes! I lost the fair championship three years ago only-”

“That was  _ three years ago _ , you old bat, would you just let that go?!” Mr. Haddock yelled, throwing up one arm and nearly losing his balance. “Just find some other plant that would work!”

“I wouldn’t have to if you’d control your little beasts!” Miss Hofferson roared.

“They’re dragons! It’s dragon nip! There’s nothing I can do!” Mr. Haddock cried frustratedly. Miss Hofferson turned off the sprinklers so as not to drown her precious potatoes and, after a few tries, got up on her walker and shuffled over to the side door to glare at her neighbor.

“I’ve got animal control in my contacts on my laptop computer!” she yelled.

“Like you’d ever call them!” Mr. Haddock snorted loudly, and then gave a loud, hacking cough. When he finally regained his breath, he continued, “You would consider it losing to me and my dragons, since you have to make your entire life one big competition!”

“I do not!” Miss Hofferson shouted in outrage. “Now get your sopping house slippers off my lawn before I call the police!”

“Fine!” Mr. Haddock yelled back. “I can’t stand to look at your drooping plants much longer anyway!”

“My plants do not droop!” Miss Hofferson barked.

“Sorry, is ‘wilting’ a better term?” Mr. Haddock snapped back.

“Go home to your monsters!”

“Go back to watering weeds!”

“I have a shotgun!”

“I have a friend in the police station!”

“I didn’t know anyone would be friends with you!”

“What would you know about any friends?”

“I have plenty of friends!”

“Naming your plants doesn’t count!”

“Neither do your infuriating animals!”

“They wouldn’t be infuriating if you just quit planting dragon nip!”

“I will not, you just have to quit letting your animals run wild!”

“I can’t stop them!”

“Then I’ll have to!”

With loud huffs of annoyance, the two neighbors turned their backs on each other and very slowly made their way back to their respective armchairs. Miss Hofferson’s bony hands gripped the sides of her walker with plenty of determination. She didn’t have to break out the water balloon grenades or the water guns this time, but if the sprinklers didn’t work tomorrow morning when Mr. Haddock took his pets out for their flight, then she would make this even more personal.

After all, this was war.

~~~~~

Mr. Haddock was tired of pointless arguments with Miss Hofferson next door. He dared to hope that this third year might change things, but apparently Miss Hofferson had installed sprinklers and lost none of her hate for dragons. His poor little friends couldn’t go outside happily since she had planted that dragon nip, and she was as stubborn as a mule on continuing to plant the problem. Mr. Haddock sighed tiredly, not really watching the television program playing in front of him. Toothless was curled by his side, his gray and black scales shining dimly in the light from the television. Stormfly, Meatlug, and Hookfang were sleeping in various places around the room- the Gronckle on the windowsill, the Nightmare draped over the back of the armchair, and the Nadder hanging upside down from the coathanger. Only Barf and Belch were really alert, their four eyes all glued to the television screen.

Mr. Haddock was content with his dragons. Maybe he had a few too many for one lonely old man, but they were the best kind of company. He and Toothless had grown up together, really, and he wouldn’t ever part with any of them. Certainly not for some old hag’s potato crop.

The elderly man unsteadily got to his feet and leaned on his cane as he made his slow, arduous way into the kitchen. Toothless made a rumbling, groaning noise in complaint at losing his warm pillow, but the black dragon flapped his wings and shakily flew after his human.

“I don’t know what else I can do to convince her to stop planting dragon nip,” Mr. Haddock sighed as Toothless alit gracefully as ever on the countertop. “I’ve brought her research articles, I’ve recommended talking to the adoption shelter, I even tried giving her a different pest-repelling plant.”

Toothless crooned in a questioning way, and Mr. Haddock shook his head firmly.

“You’re not a pest to repel, bud. She only says that because she’s mad about her thrice-cursed potatoes.”

Mr. Haddock tapped his gnarled fingers on the table and eased himself down at the kitchen table. He should be thinking about moving away- downsizing, or community living, perhaps- but he had enough stubbornness to know that moving away meant surrendering to Miss Hofferson and her potatoes. And a Haddock never admitted defeat.

Toothless paced along the counter, then suddenly froze, staring at the top of the refrigerator. Mr. Haddock watched with confused interest, until Toothless leaped up to the top of the refrigerator and his claws scrabbled for purchase on the sides as he barely missed the top. Quickly, the old man got to his feet and threw out his hands just in time to catch the falling dragon.

“Toothless, what are you doing?” Mr. Haddock asked confusedly. The Night Fury whined and hopped out of Mr. Haddock’s hands, placing his front paws on the refrigerator and stretching toward the top. Baffled, the elderly man started to pull down everything stored on top of the refrigerator. Poptarts, a flyswatter, vegetable oil, and various types of cereal were all met with a shake of a head, until Mr. Haddock lowered a red box to the countertop and Toothless began hopping around like crazy.

“Easy! Easy there, bud, I get it,” Mr. Haddock muttered, replacing the other items and examining the box Toothless had been trying to reach. 

It was a box of cookie mix. 

Mr. Haddock gave his dragon a confused look, to which Toothless responded with an eager crooning sound and bobbing his head. 

“You… want cookies?” Mr. Haddock tried, and Toothless huffed derisively. “Apparently not. Um, you want  _ me _ to have cookies?” Toothless shook his head, then leapt off the counter and flew to the kitchen window, making an excited sound. Mr. Haddock followed dutifully, looking out the window, but there wasn’t anything there. Just Miss Hofferson’s house and yard full of plants-

Oh.  _ Oh _ .

“You want me to make Miss Hofferson  _ cookies _ ?” Mr. Haddock clarified.

Toothless screeched happily in agreement. 

“Why on earth would I do that?” he cried. “I haven’t baked in months! And for  _ her _ ? She tried to take off your head with a garden hoe last year!”

Toothless gave a sort of shrug and hopped down to the kitchen table. Apparently he was willing to forgive her for that.

“What reason do I have to make her cookies?” Mr. Haddock continued. “She’ll just scream at me and claim my dragons infected them or something.”

The black dragon puffed out a tiny plasma bolt that exploded midair, and then glared at Mr. Haddock, as if telling him to get on with it.

“If you think being nice is going to win her over and get her to stop planting dragon nip, then you are sadly mistaken,” Mr. Haddock muttered, and Toothless flew over to the stove, nudging the dials to preheat as the elderly man reluctantly began gathering the other necessary ingredients.

“My cookies aren’t even that good,” Mr. Haddock grumbled. 

Toothless replied with a snort that was clearly skeptical, and Mr. Haddock threw him a fond look. “Thanks, bud. I guess we’ll just have to hope that Miss Hofferson likes them as much as you do.” 


End file.
